Introduction
In life some things are inevitable. Things like taxes, bills, more taxes, and driving down roads that those taxes are clearly not funding nor their upkeep. Another thing to look forward to is how none of that matters, because some a**hole is cruising the speed limit on that road in the left lane.
Unfortunately, another item on that list is the inevitable question all of us who served must face.
Civilians are always going to be curious as to what happens in war. Especially in this country, where it doesnโt matter how many wars weโve been in and kicked a** like we do. Which does seem to be a lot more than normal when compared to other first-world countries. Except for that one ENTIRE continent that thinks itโs superior to the others. Again, I will refrain from calling out the guilty party. Besides, Europe seems to be having a tough time now, considering the centuries of acting like itโs a comedy written by the great Mel Brooks. โYou know, with all that โr*pe, murder, arson, and r*pe.โ – Blazing Saddles.
God bless you, Mel Brooks.
4 Tips For Veterans When People Start to Ask About Your War Experience
Now, youโd think the 99.9% of us who didnโt live through that kind of experience, whether boots-on-the-ground or not, would be able to figure out there are parts of our careers weโd not like to remember. We have to remember though, the civilians today are as different as the wars we now are fighting. From that, things like Hollywood and Call of Duty, and all of it added together using technology and the internet.
All of that lovely image stems from the same topic involving extreme violence, bloodshed, and trauma: combat. One would think those of our population who are going to college are smart enough to figure out we probably donโt want to talk about those moments. Then againโฆ Call of Duty was just released, and it sells partially by showing everyone what never happens. All with the marketing context of, โHey, everyone! Look what Little Johnny can do in an ultra-realistic-looking-war-situation. As long as everyone remembers to do some fact-checking when they are done teabagging their opponents.โ
What also doesnโt survive a quick Google search is the combat-effectiveness of that stupid-a** beard.
Speaking from the personal experience of earning a degree at such an institution, college students can earn a 4.0 GPA, and still be dumb as a rock. You, I, and all the veterans that came before and will come after have to be able to deal with this level of ignorance. From my experiences at least, including many mistakes, Iโm hoping to pass on some tips, tricks, and advice from one veteran to another the only way we know how. Through the comradery and the consumption of alcohol.
If you donโt already have one, go get a beer or something. You might just need it like I did.
Tip #1: Ignore them.
Seriously.
This fun method we learned while serving is still the best way to deal with any situation where eliminating someoneโs geneline would be a greater service to humanity. Unfortunately, itโs still classified as murder. All you or any of us can do in these awkward moments is ignore them. If you have the capacity to, now or later on, you can be a cool dude/sista and tell them why you shouldnโt ask that question. Or you can be like me and try both.
Which leads me to tip number two:
Student: โWhatโs it like to bury your friend or kill somebody?โ
Me: โI donโt know. Whatโs it like to never have been loved by your father?โ
Tip #2: Keep Calm
This. Donโt do this. Keep calm, speak neutrally, or walk away.
The student body, and members of the faculty/staff surprisingly, are going to piss you off. Somehow, sometime, and someway, someone will ask you this kind of question. Or any kind of question really. They might not even talk to you directly, but eventually someone is going to ask a question or make a statement that sounds brilliant to everyone. Everyone except reality.
Things they couldnโt possibly understand. Things involving war, politics, the military, foreign policy, and all the other topics upon which we all are suddenly experts and our opinions are valid/justifiable. It gets worse when the individual/s saying it are part of some greater movement or community.
Yes, believe it or not, the worst things that were said to me or about me being a veteran of The War on Terror and deploying to Iraq came from those associated with popular groups considered โprogressive and openly accepting of all people.โ
The other worst offenders were those of the โThank you for your serviceโ crowd. This might sound weird, but many of those individuals are about as useless as a wet paper sandwich bag, on a beach, that gets hit by a wave. Itโs also raining. Sadly, it seems that what was a nightmare for those in Vietnam has become politically correct and, therefore, people say it without realising what it means. Students will thank someone who just got their uniform in ROTC as much as someone who deployed multiple times. Then theyโll 180 on that whenever something comes up that is โmore politically correctโ somehow.
Case in Point:
While attending classes, my college decided to show โAmerican Sniper,โ which was in theaters at the time, at the end of the week so students could see it and other popular movies at a discounted rate. Not even two days later it was pulled. Why?
โWe received multiple complaints it was racist,โ
โWe are a safe-space for all students/faculty/staff of all races, sexual orientation, gender-identity, etc. and, therefore, we felt the need to pull the film as it would be upsetting to some,โ
Or, based upon an actual conversationโฆ
Me: โThis is not hate speech. Itโs about a very real event, about a very real guy, going on right now. All youโre doing is hiding the harsh reality of the world to the students, and alienating an entire group of us who have survived this event,โ
College: โWeโre not creating a situation in which our students feel attacked or threatened in any way,โ
Me: โWhat about those four female students who were sexually assaulted two weeks ago, and you guys swept it under the rug?โ
College: โGet out of my office.โ
Tip #3: Letโs Review Tip #2.
DONโT SAY/DO THAT. Or pretend to care about your students, but thatโs a different topic.
All satire aside, you need to exercise that patience weโve all developed to some degree. The alternative only reinforces the negative stereotypes about the military. In reality, it doesnโt matter that those same individuals might speak out against stereotypes in other communities. Do not even engage in that kind of debate with black/white and a lot of grey area nuance. They havenโt learned thatโs a thing.
Yet, they do know the Pythagorean Theorem as if thatโs ever counted for something.
Tip #4: Call Them Out, but Diplomatically.
One thing that never fails is being able to call them out on their BS, but in a way that youโre helping them. All of a sudden, youโve defeated all veteran stereotypes, called them something between an idiot and a d***head without anyone realizing, finished your epic quest, saved the kingdom, and got the girl. Or the guy, if thatโs your thing. Or whatever.
Actual results may vary, but you and all military affiliated win in the end.
Conclusion
If all else fails, go ahead and visit your collegeโs Veteran Center. Or if this is work related, go to your HR department. These arenโt battles you need to fight alone. Theyโre there for a reason, so let them help you. If itโs any good: get your benefits wrangled, have them handle complaints, and join the other veterans with a snack, cup of joe, and have an intellectual discussion only those blooded by the world can have. I, for one, miss the days of joining the other branches in mocking the Marine Corps like true, civilized individuals.
Seriously, I miss you crayon eaters and your desire to shoot everything. Honest.
Too easy, Warriors. Scouts out.
The only thing worse than walking through a gauntlet of โthank you for your service,โ is โweโre all in this together!โ No, no weโre not, especially when the closest thing to combat most of these folks have seen was fighting over the last jelly donut at band camp! Great article. Thanks